So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
