lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
