There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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