You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
