She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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