Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
