New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
