Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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