Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
