cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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