Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
