i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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