You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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