There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
