Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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