There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I don't deserve a penis
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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