Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
