What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
