I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
