I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
