I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
