the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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