Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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