the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
