my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
