He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
