You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
