It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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