i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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