I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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