He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you didnt know i had herpes?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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