why im i the only drunk person in the library?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
