While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
