Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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