Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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