did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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