She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
