An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
