I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She is in my trunk
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
