Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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