i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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