thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
