No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
