I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just want nice things and good sex
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
