I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
