Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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