I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
