are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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