I can feel you judging me through the phone.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
