Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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