i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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