I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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