How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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