how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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